you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
