at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
