man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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