yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
