he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
