The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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