wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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