Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
