i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
