She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize