update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize