My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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