I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
