Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
