When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
