You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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