I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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