Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
