How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
My dick has a subreddit
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
