I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
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