Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
