There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
