I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
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