and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
