sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Randomize
