in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
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