My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
