So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
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