I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
