I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
he was CRYING into my vagina
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
