Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
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