i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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