he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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