did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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