PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
