4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
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