Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
