During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
My penis needs a shock collar
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
