so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
