That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize