Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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