i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
