I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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