My friends, they love my intelligence
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
