Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
