His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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