i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
