Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I miss vodka workout Fridays
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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