everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
