Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
