haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
