I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
