you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize