At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
