Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
