: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
