Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
