It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
