it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
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