my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
