I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
