ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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