My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
