Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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