Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
