I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
