listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
