I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Still dying that you shit outside
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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