my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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