The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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