the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize