So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
