He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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