My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
