She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
