Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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