no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
