My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
