Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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