I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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