at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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