I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
