I seem to have left my pride at pride
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
