How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Randomize
