my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
