I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
