ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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