my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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