Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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