do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
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