You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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